Post: Massive Funny Thread
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01-03-2011, 05:37 AM
#1
Vengeance
Banned
[multipage=Funny Pictures!]
Here are some funny pictures
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Credits for the cod pictures: xMark
[multipage=Funny Pictures 2]
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[multipage=Funny Mr. Bean Pictures]
These are funny mr bean pictures!
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[multipage=Facts]
Did You Know …
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
The male pray mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping
the length of a football field.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too)
Polar bears are left-handed.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
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[multipage=Videos]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usF21zSVFpQ[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CE9K3qquXY[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZBbtk47vZw[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ky7rbs8BBc[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87Nub0DqBSM&feature=related[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2BgjH_CtIA&feature=related[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5r5k7faX7c&feature=related[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMHaiMzgCNA&feature=related[/ame]
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W40P1EkHv4Q&feature=related[/ame]
[multipage=Jokes!]
Here are some jokes
Long Joke
A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bulls eye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bulls eye!! He downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go...Two bulls eyes!!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go of the last dart.
Three bulls eyes!!!
All are astounded. No one has ever won before. The bartender searches for a prize... grabs a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks pass... The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn't know what to give, so he asks the drunk, "Say, what did you win the last time?"
And the drunk responds, "A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!"
A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE ...NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS:
1) WON'T BEAT ME UP
2) WON'T RUN AWAY
3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to match her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat.
Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you? And what do you want?"
"Hi," he said, " your search is over, for I'm the man of your dreams. I've got no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away."
"Well, then," she said, "what makes you think that you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied,..... "Well, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.
"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.
"magic apples", the old man replied.
"Prove it", said the young man.
"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.
"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.
The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.
The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.
The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.
The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.
"I like to eat puss*." he snapped.
The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.
He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like shi*".
The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."
Yo Momma
Yo Mamma's so poor
That your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
When I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
She waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
Burglars break into yo momma's home and leave money.
When I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
The building society repossessed her cardboard box.
She watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
Each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
She can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
When I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked yo momma what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
When I rang her doorbell, SHE said '
ing-Dong'I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited yo momma's house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
Only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
When I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
She hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
Closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...
She had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
Even Beggars give you money.
She bounces food stamps.
She can't even afford to pay attention.
She uses cardboard and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.
She uses chewing gum as a band aid.
She lives in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.
She uses white-out as a tooth filler.
She can't afford a mop - she stands on her head in order to mop the floor...
Her idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the 'yellow snow'...and yo loved it, didn't ya!
Other Yo Momma
Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.
Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit.
Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.
Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed.
Knock Knock..
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sybil!
Sybil who?
Sybil Simon met a pieman...!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tad!
Tad who?
Tad's all folks!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Taipei!
Taipei who?
Taipei sixty words a minute is pretty fast!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tamara!
Tamara who?
Tamara the world!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tank!
Tank who?
Your welcome!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tyrone!
Tyrone who?
Tyrone shoelaces!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tyson!
Tyson who?
Tyson of this on for size!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Uganda!
Uganda who?
Uganda get away with this!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Uriah!
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Uruguay!
Uruguay who?
You go Uruguay and I'll go mine!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Avocado!
Avocado who?
Avocado a cold!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Axel!
Axel who?
Axeldental Tourist!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Atch!
Atch who?
I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Athena!
Athena who?
Athena flying saucer!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Argo!
Argo who?
Argo down the shops!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna one, anna two...!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna going to tell you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anne Boleyn!
Anne Boleyn who?
Anne Boleyn alley!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Amin!
Amin who?
Amin thing to do!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ammonia!
Ammonia who?
Ammonia little kid!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Audrey!
Audrey who?
Audrey be doing this!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Augusta!
Augusta who?
Augusta go home now!
[multipage=Credits]
Thanks guys i put this altogether
if you have ANYTHING to add just quote me and i will give you credit :y:
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