DaveFact#1: Dave DOES know the muffin man
DaveFact#2: Dave counted to infinity, twice.
DaveFact#3: Dave doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
DaveFact#4: Some kids piss their name in the snow, Dave can piss his name in conrete
DaveFact#5: Leading hand cleaners claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs, Dave can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
DaveFact#6: Dave's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
DaveFact#7: Dave can speak braille.
DaveFact#8: Dave's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, nobody fools Dave.
DaveFact#9: Dave does not sleep. He waits.
DaveFact#10: Dave can delete the recycling bin.
DaveFact#11: Dave can win a game of connect 4 in 3 moves.
DaveFact#12: Dave has specified in his will that if he dies, he will bury himself.
DaveFact#13: When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Dave
DaveFact#14: They're making a sequel to 300 starring Dave. It's called 1.
DaveFact#15: Dave can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
DaveFact#16: Fire escapes were invented to protect fire from Dave.
DaveFact#17: Once, a cobra bit Dave on the leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
DaveFact#18: Dave can squeeze orange juice for a lemon.
DaveFact#19: If you spell Dave wrong on Google, it doesn't say "Did you mean Dave?". It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance"
DaveFact#20: Dave runs Snow Leopard on his Etch-a-Sketch.
DaveFact#21: If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Dave says it's beef, then it's fucking beef!
DaveFact#22: Dave can slam revolving doors.
DaveFact#23: Giraffes were created when Dave uppercutted a horse.
DaveFact#24: Dave does not hun because the word 'hunting' implies the possibility of failure. Dave goes killing.
DaveFact#25: Dave does read books. He stares them down until they give him the information he wants.
DaveFact#26: Dave can kill two stones with one bird.
DaveFact#27: Death once had a near-Dave experience.
DaveFact#28: When Dave gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
DaveFact#29: Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Dave's PC will crash.
DaveFact#30: Dave does not have hair on his body, because hair does not grow on steel.
DaveFact#31: Dave can strangle you with a cordless phone.
DaveFact#32: Ghosts are caused because Dave kills people faster than Death can process them.
DaveFact#33: Dave is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
DaveFact#34: Dave can play the violin with a piano.
DaveFact#35: Dave is always on top during sex because Dave never fucks up.
DaveFact#36: The best part of waking up is knowing that Dave didn't kill you in your sleep.
DaveFact#37: Dave can touch MC Hammer.
DaveFact#38: Dave can build a snowman out of rain.
DaveFact#39: The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they've just entered a world with Dave.
DaveFact#40: Dave can drown a fish.
DaveFact#41: Dave is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Dave.
DaveFact#42: When Dave enters a room, he doesn't turn a light on, he turns the dark off.
DaveFact#43: The last digit of Pi is Dave. He is the end of all things.
DaveFact#44: The world wont end in 2012, only when Dave gets bored.
DaveFact#45: Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Dave.
DaveFact#46: Dave doesn't need a miracle to split the ocean, he walks in and the ocean gets the fuck out of the way.
DaveFact#47: Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Dave can throw Brett Favre even further.
DaveFact#48: Dave doesn't use pick up lines, he simply says "Now".
DaveFact#49: The quickest way to a mans heart is with Daves fist.
DaveFact#50: Dave can tie his shoes with his feet.
DaveFact#51: The chief export of Dave is pain.
DaveFact#52: Dave doesn't play "hide-and-seek". He plays "hide-and-pray-i-dont-find-you".
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Originally Posted by TheBigRod
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